What does “all behaviour is communication” mean?

As families, carers, and support workers supporting someone with complex behaviour, you have likely heard the phrase “all behaviour is communication”.

But what does that actually mean?

Behaviour is what we do and how we act. It is what other people can see when they observe us. We behave in different ways for different reasons, and often our behaviour is communicating something about what we need, feel, or are experiencing.

For example, think about the “need to use the bathroom” dance — shifting around, looking uncomfortable, maybe becoming restless. This behaviour communicates a very clear message: “I need to go to the bathroom.”

Or, imagine being stuck in a long queue at the shops when you are late for work. You might sigh, look around, check your phone, or become visibly impatient. Without saying it directly, your behaviour is communicating: “I am in a rush and feeling stressed.”

Behaviour is not always deliberate or planned. It can be a response to internal experiences (like anxiety, pain, or excitement), something happening around you, or the way another person is interacting with us.

This is also true for the people we support. For example, someone might interrupt a conversation because they are excited to connect with you about something they care about. Or they might repeatedly ask questions because they are feeling anxious due to a change in routine.

When we think of behaviour as communication, the focus shifts away from simply trying to stop the behaviour and towards trying to understand what might be behind it.

We can do this by:

• Slowing down and being curious about what might be happening for the person

• Considering their experience — are they hungry, tired, unwell, overwhelmed, or uncertain?

• Reflecting on how we are communicating with them, including our tone, language, and body language

Our communication matters too. The way we speak, the words we choose, and even our body language can either support someone to feel calm and safe, or contribute to increased distress.

Understanding that behaviour is communication can change the way we respond in everyday situations. When someone is distressed or escalating, it can be difficult to know what to say or do in the moment. The Communication Cheat Sheet for Support Workers provides simple prompts and examples of calm, respectful language that can support everyday interactions and more challenging situations.